I'm taking a left at a fork in the road. And I'm trying to stay motivated. It's only been a week and I'm trying to stay motivated. That feels really lame. Four days ago, I saw myself staying that motivated throughout this entire month. The drive, the waking up at 2am because the need to fill out more applications, to keep trying, was so present that I couldn't bear it. Now it is 9:44am and I haven't opened Craigslist yet. Craigslist is my first site of every day. Then Indeed, then Monster, then Idealist, and finally the company sites - Amazon, Microsoft, Boeing, Providence, etc. I even slept through the whole night last night. The whole night.
So, yesterday's interview was followed shortly by a phone interview from a job I really want. I didn't do as well as I thought I should. She called while I was climbing the stairs to my apartment. I was out of breath. I was tired from the 1.5 hour interview immediately preceding it. I wasn't thinking as clearly as I wanted. But this, of the 40 some jobs I've applied for ranks number 2 on my "The ones I really want" list. Bummer.
So yesterday I only put in 1 application. Today I will do better. I don't feel like doing this right now, but I'm going to anyway. Because I want to meet my goal. I want to have a job on November 7th. I want to put my severance into savings. and I'm tired of not getting what I want.
Yesterday I also started on the workbook style stuff from the outsourcing software provided by my current company. The first step was to process your emotional state. I had done very little of that. I jumped into the job search with two feet and now I am stuck in the middle processing. I found their process remarkably unhelpful, but it did help me realize the need to process. I still want to take this bull by the horns, but I want to be reasonable, feeling, and intentional. The last thing I want to do is land in another unsuccessful success.
Sounds like you're doing so well being in a shit place: hard-working, struggling to stay motivated, trying to be aware of your own need to process and giving yourself space to do that while still working toward your goal. I'm really proud of you! And thank God for the Muppets right?
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